The Life They Could Have Had
by caitewarren
Summary: Set s1. John while visiting Adam thinks of everything his whole family deserves and what they don't have...falling asleep that night he wakes up in a world that he could never imagine.


A/N: Don't Own Anything.

John couldn't help but to compare Kate to Mary, they were physically alike their light blonde hair except Kate's was kept longer than Mary's had ever been, their light blue eyes and their laugh. John thought it was Kate's laugh that made him fall for her. Sometimes when she laughed he would close his eyes and it was just like having Mary back.

Maternally they were alike as well John couldn't help but wonder if all mothers were the same with their children. He was watching older videos of when Adam was young. He watched Kate cradle Adam in her arms quietly singing a song in French to him. John clutched the photograph of Mary holding Dean and sitting in the old rocker. He paused the video and placed the picture of Mary and Dean next to the T.V. and he couldn't stop the tears from coming.

Staying with Kate and Adam reminded him too much of what his life could have been….not what it was. He would be home in Lawrence Kansas right now, Dean maybe would have gone to college, maybe he and Mary would have gone on their second honeymoon hell maybe they would have more kids. Instead he was sitting in the home of the Milligans in Windom, Minnesota. Kate deserved better than this. Kate was a good person she deserved a loving husband who would work and take the load of taking care of her kid and paying bills. She didn't need some drunk guy who showed up once a year to take her son out for a day and crashed on her sofa for a day.

Adam deserved a father who didn't just show up on his birthdays, he deserved a father who was there the whole time. He deserved a father who taught him to play baseball, who held him on his shoulders. Adam deserved to know his brothers, to have someone to stay with him at night when his mom left. He needed a mother to put him to bed and to cook his meals for him.

Dean and Sam deserved a home, someplace they could call their own. John couldn't remember what it was like to stay in one place for more than two weeks never the less what it felt like to have a home, to have a job to have a wife. Dean hasn't had a home since he was fours-year-old he hasn't been held or cradled right since Mary's death and Sam was too young to remember a maternal love. Dean was kid and taking care of his younger brother John knew that wasn't fair for Dean. They deserved a mother, they didn't deserve half a father who left them in motel rooms alone since they were young.

Sam didn't deserve for John to kick him out, he was just going to school. Dean should be in college not in some god forsaken motel somewhere. John gulped his fifth beer before placing the beer on the table and falling asleep.

"Dad," says Adam shaking his arm.

Adam kept shaking his arm trying to wake him.

"Dad?" asks Adam.

"Since when have you called me Dad?" asks John.

Adam had taken to calling him John or father or sir since he was fourteen. Adam gives him an odd look.

"Uh I'm going to school," says Adam.

John nods wondering why in the world Adam had woken him to tell that. Now he regretted drinking feeling a hangover already in the mist of happening. He stood stretching his arms and his eyes focused on a picture on the table. Picking it up it he had to blink to make sure he wasn't seeing things. He even pinched himself. Three boys were in the picture the eldest about fifteen, the next about eleven and the youngest four giving a big smile. They were dressed in identical red sweaters. The face of the fifteen-year-old was Dean but his eyes were so bright and so happy he didn't see that light in Dean's eyes, the eleven-year-old was smiling but no teeth where showing a phase John could remember Sam going through at this age.

"What the hell?" asks John.

He had made sure Adam and Kate had never knew about Sam and Dean and vice versa how were the boys in a picture? And why were they wearing red sweaters? Turning back to the t.v. the video was still on the screen paused as John had left it the night before he pressed play.

The date on the bottom read December 25th,1994. Kate was dressed in a bathrobe.

"Christmas 2004," he heard himself say in the camera, "come on boys come downstairs!"

Adam came down first a grin on his face.

"Did Santa come?" he asks.

"Why don't you go and see for yourself?" asks John from behind the camera again.

John pauses the tape what was this? He didn't even know Adam in 1994, how is this even possible?

A/N: Reviews?


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